One Last Thing Before We Die?
by The Baka Karasu
Summary: After a hectic night, our five favourite nonstraight X bishounen wake up in a rather... awkward position. What did they do, the night before? Who knows. R&R please. FINALLY BEING UPDATED! WATCH THIS SPACE!
1. The Morning After The Night Before

_((I blame MeyRevived for this fic. Meirav, you're a pervert. But still… this was too good an idea to waste. '' My first real crack fic. Enjoy.))_

_Disclaimer – I don't own any of the characters. I just like playing with them and putting them in fun situations. Clamp owns them, though, unfortunately. MeyRevived gave me the idea, but I really don't think that has to be in a disclaimer. Really… But I put it anyway._

One Last Thing Before We Die.

Kamui fidgeted. His foot hit something warm and fleshy. A horrible sense of impending doom hit him.

Opening his eyes blearily and staring at the ceiling. It wasn't familiar. Something moved, and it drew his attention to his right hand. Raising it, he stared at the empty sake bottle for a few moments. Then he realised something – well, a few things – at the same time.

He was lying on something warm and moving.

"WAH!"

Darting off the lump, across the room, Kamui fell into a crouch and just… stared.

Three sweaty, naked human bodies were tangled together on the floor of a vaguely familiar bedroom.

Kamui blinked. Then, as one of the bodies untangled itself from the bundle.

"F-Fuuma!"

Stark naked and leering unpleasantly, Fuuma nodded to him and leant back against the wall, knees bent, resting his forearms on his knees and smiling at Kamui even more unpleasantly.

"Mm…" From the bundle of what was now two bodies, another face became apparent, and Kamui almost choked as the taller dark-haired one spoke;

"Congratulations on loosing your virginity."

"Which one, Sei-chan?" That was Fuuma, sounding heavily sarcastic.

Kamui stared in mingled horror and a twisted sense of satisfaction as the lone backside lying on the original place on the floor turned around and blinked at him. Subaru looked every bit as confused as Kamui, but no less naked.

"Heh." Reaching out, Seishirou hooked one arm around his uke's waist and pulled the unsuspecting Subaru into his lap and leaning over to nip his ear, making Subaru 'eep'.

"S-seishiou-san…! A-and…" Subaru looked around wildly, "Kamui…! And /Kamui/ too! What the hell… are you guys doing in my apartment! And why are we all naked?"

"You really mind, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou murmured, nuzzling into his uke's neck as Fuuma piped up cheerily;

"You must've got really drunk last night, Sumeragi." That cheerful smile was scary.

"W-what!" His Kamuiness had torn his eyes off the naked bodies to stare at Fuuma, "I-…I can't remember what happened last night!

Fuuma snickered, and lowered his legs – sending Kamui into a slight nosebleed as he did so – then put another fake smile on his face and started talking, "Them…" Point to Subaru and Seishirou. Seishirou grinned and Subaru muttering something, went red, and clung to the Sakurazukamori slightly, "…Me…" Point to himself, "…And you…" Point at Kamui.

"We had a rough, kinky gay orgy." Seishirou said, blandly. Then, "You were good." Added thoughtfully, patting Subaru lightly, and causing the Sumeragi to go red.

Kamui had turned a nice, flustered red by this point. "B-but… we can't… they aren't… we didn't…" A soft whimper, "Someone tell me he…" Point at Seishirou, "…Didn't… Ugh…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Subaru piped up, annoyedly, moving away from Seishirou a little and glaring at the directionally-challenged saviour of the world. "Do you _prefer _smaller guys?"

Kamui immediately went on the defensive, "At least Fuuma's not a murderer! He didn't _kill _my _sister!_"

Subaru practically blanched, then came back firm, "Oh, yeah, he just murdered your freakin' childhood crush! Besides, you don't have a sister, you stupid kid!"

"…" Lapsing into blessed, angsty silence as images of a certain blonde girl filled his head, Kamui looked ready to fall into a self-pitying pool of angst, when Fuuma seemed to wake up and retorted at Subaru.

"You didn't even try to save your sister, Sumeragi. Too busy having wet dreams over the stupid Sakurazukamori, so leave Kamui alone." Cool, calm, collected.

Subaru looked ready to kill something. Attempting and failing to pull out of Seishirou's hands, his anger seemed to dissipate as Seishirou pulled him close and nuzzled into his neck. Evidence of licking/sucking/kissing.

"Ladies, ladies, calm down." He purred, apparently happy to have a reason to hold the naked Sumeragi.

"…" Kamui just stared as Seishirou proceeded to make Subaru giggle, before pouting and flopping down on the floor.

"So, when's the ceremony going to take place, anyway?" That was Fuuma. Smirking something horrible and openly watching the two onmoujis.

"Ceremony?" That was Subaru.

"Yeah. The wedding."

"Oh, wedding." Pause. Seishirou nipped his ear, Subaru squeaked, "W-WEDDING! What? How? When? Whaaaat!" He had turned around and blinked at the assassin, and Seishirou smiled smugly.

"Did you forget, Subaru?"

"F-forget what!"

"You said you'd marry me."

"W-well… I take it back!"

"…You mean you don't love me anymore?"

"…Tch."

"You know, Subaru…" Kamui piped up. Apparently going to get his revenge on the Sumeragi for making him angst. "…When two adults have fully consensual sex, then usually means they like each other."

"What, like you and /Kamui?" Seishirou said, calmly. Apparently he didn't want Subaru going ape-shit on the saviour/destroyer of the world. At least, not while they were both naked. Or maybe he was just too lazy to hold him back again.

"…What?"

"You heard."

"…Me… and…" Blinking, the uke turned to blink at his twin star. Fuuma waved cheerfully. Kamui went pink. "…"

Silence reigned. Seishirou took the opportunity to snicker and tighten his grip around Subaru's waist, to stop the squirming Sumeragi from getting loose.

Then, another voice piped up; "…Uh… g-good morning…"

Everyone's face turned towards the door. Blonde, smiling, and dressed only in a pink apron, Keiichi smiled at them all and raised the tray he was holding slightly, like an offering. "…Breakfast?"

Fuuma frowned, "…Oh yeah. I forgot about him."

Kamui seemed to be having trouble putting two and two together. He looked from Fuuma to Keiichi, looking cutely confused. "W-what…. Keiichi… what are you doing here? Get out while you still can!"

"Heh…" Turning a fetching shade of pink, Keiichi gave Kamui a soft smile, "…Good morning, Kamui."

"He had sex with you too." Fuuma piped up, cheerfully, accepting the cup Keiichi offered him.

Kamui fell over.

Keiichi smiled nervously, offered the onmyouji's both a cup of tea, having poured it. Seishirou took it graciously, but Subaru declined it with a soft groan of annoyance and embarrassment.

The four – excuse me, five men all just sat there sipping tea for a moment. Then, untangling himself from Subaru, Seishirou stood up and inclined his head politely to the assembly, "Well, I don't know about you, but I am going to get dressed. I believe I left my clothes in…" Pause. He tried to remember, "…The kitchen. Excuse me a moment."

Reaching down, he grabbed the unwitting Sumeragi's wrist and pretty much dragged the poor man into the kitchen with him.

Fuuma snickered, "…Getting dressed. Right. Talk about obsessed."

"I think it's sweet…" Keiichi interjected, sat opposite Kamui, sitting his tea and smiling graciously, "…Think about it. They've been in love for over ten years, and haven't been able to express it. Other than trying to kill each other. It's sweet that they're finally together."

"Haven't been able to express it?" Fuuma snickered again, "…Keiichi-kun, we're talking about Seishirou and the Sumeragi. This is not going to be the first time. Just… the first remembered time. Well, sort-of."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that, chances are, they're already h-…" The emotionally-redundant twin star stopped, looking at Kamui, "…Kamui, what are you staring at?"

"…Uh. That is… ano… I was… just… ah… heheh." Truth was, Kamui had been thinking how good Keiichi looked in the apron. But he didn't want to get the perky blonde one killed. Then he found himself wondering, why the hell not?

"Kamui, your face is all red…" That was Keiichi.

"Uhh…"

"…Kamui, stop ogling the ditz, or I'll have to kill him."

"…" He stopped looking. Instead, he looked at the floor.

Keiichi, wisely, looked the other way and pretended not to hear. No-one made a sound for a while, and then Kamui piped up in a quiet voice.

"…U-uhm… so… what _did _happen last night?"

"How come you can't remember?" Fuuma asked, quizzically, reaching over and seizing his Kamui-ness, pulling him into his lap. Mimicking Seishirou. Well, he had to idolise someone… "Well… I guess I'll start from the beginning…"

_FLASHBACK_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_.:Lani:. Before you say anything, I KNOW! This fic has changed rather drastically under my disappointingly un-perverted mind! …Mostly because I doubt would accept lemonade… That, and I'm not so good at writing smut…_

_.:Kamui:. …_

_.:Subaru:. …_

_.:Lani:. Oh, come on! I know you guys enjoyed it!_

_.:Fuuma:. …I know I did. –Grin-_

_.:Lani:. Well, duh…_

_.:Seishirou:. …Are you really going to write me coming onto Kamui?_

_.:Lani:. Uh… no? Heheh…_

_.:Kamui:. XO Don't make me hurt you._

_.:Lani:. …Oh. So it's bad if a completely random person (Apart from all the 'Seishirou-Be-Kamui-Daddy!' rumors…) like Seishirou has sex with you, but you can stand the thought of your mindless twin star, who murdered your girlfriend, and basically made you life even more a living hell by killing everyone close to you, having sex with you?_

_.:Kamui:. …Of course I can. It's called fanservice._

_.:Fuuma:. –Grin-_

_.:Subaru:. …How come the fangirls seems to prefer the twin stars over me and Seishirou-san, anyway?_

_.:Seishirou:. Because everyone knows that we've already done it?_

_.:Subaru:. …_

_.:Lani:. –Grin- Oh, look at that. No more room for more talky here…_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_


	2. Come As You Are

_((Author's Notes – Second chapter. Somebody stop me! You may remember that the last chapter ended on big 'FLASHBACK!' …Well, I'm carrying on from there… Must warn you, I'm so hyper right now, I can't even read what I'm typing… Must've been that white powder I licked off Su-… Uh… nothing.))_

_Disclaimer – All the characters belong to Clamp. Of course they do. If they were drawn by, say, Kohato Hirano, drew X-1999, then it would be a lot more interesting, but by no means as much fun._

Come As You Are.

"So, Kamui…?"

The pretty bishounen looked up at his counterpart awkwardly. The fact that Fuuma was talking about someone else while pinning him to a wall and biting one of his fingers was enough to make him more than a little jealous.

"…So what?"

"Would you like to join Seishirou-san and I at a last party?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Whether you and the Sakurazukamori are going to be touching me up the whole time."

"Of course not, Kamui-kun."

"…"

"…Sei-chan will be much too busy touching the Sumeragi up to pay any attention to you."

Kamui squeaked indignantly and went a lovely fuchsia pink, "You think he thinks Subaru-san's better than me!"

"Yes."

"…Do _you _think Subaru's better than me?"

Fuuma grinned and licked the bloody bite mark on Kamui's finger. The other dragon shuddered. "Of course not, Kamui-kun. You're more delightfully masochistic than he is."

The tomato ripened a bit more, then preceded to melt as /Kamui/ leant over and bit down on his collarbone.

"So that's a yes?"

"Just… ah!... shut up…"

"Good." With a sinister smirk, the sadist carried on molesting his uke.

_Meanwhile…_

"How many times do I have to say it! Get out!"

Subaru was having issues with the foot jammed in his doorway. It was a quite handsome foot; shoed in black leather with a shiny, discreet buckle off to one side. But, despite it's obvious good upbringing, wealth and good intentions, the foot was most unwelcome and hard-pushed to leave.

The foot spoke, "…Subaru-kun, I just want to _talk_!"

Looking up from the foot to it's owner, Subaru glared at Seishirou through the gap in the doorway, "…Talk?"

"Yes, Subaru, talk."

"…Nothing else?"

"I promise, Subaru. I'm not planning any kind of molestation, sadistic sexual games, or other entertaining pastimes."

"…" Subaru relaxed his hold on the door a little, starting to step back.

"…That's not until later."

Seishirou grunted in mild pain as the door started to crush his poor foot again, as Subaru threw himself against it and held it as tightly as he could with the air of a person trying to stop an enraged bull from breaking down the door, even though he knew it was useless. If the bull wanted to break the china, then no pissy uke was going to stop it.

For a moment, it looked suspiciously like Subaru was going to win the fight with the foot. Then, something dangerous sparked behind the door and Subaru immediately let go, stepping back and letting the door go. Seishirou strode in, looking pleased, returning the two black slips of paper to his inside pocket.

Sunglasses and typical black badass outfit. As always. It was almost disappointing.

"Thank you, Subaru. I didn't want to have to break the door down."

"…What do you want?" Subaru was cautious.

"Fuuma-kun and I…"

_Fuuma-what!_

"…Were talking earlier, about the fact that-…"

_Since when did you talk to that sadistic bastard!_

"…We're all going to die." Seishirou stopped. He blinked at his lover/nemesis/twin star/property, "…Subaru-kun, what did I just say?"

"What?" The Sumeragi was fuming quietly. Jealous much? "I heard. You and /Kamui/ were talking about the world ending… or something…"

"Not quite, but it's basically the same principal. And, well, we thought that maybe it was about time we actually had some _fun_."

"…F-fun?" Subaru knew the kind of 'fun' that Seishirou was probably thinking of. And he didn't like it. Well, not much, anyway. Okay, so he did like it. But not with Fuuma involved. Sumeragi strike zone was between 33 and 35 years old _only_. He didn't date graduates. And he definitely didn't have 'fun' with them.

"Yes, fun. I've spoken to Fuuma about it, and he has gone to ask Kamui." Seishirou paused. He wondered, absently, how Fuuma intended to 'ask' Kamui…

_.:You know that he's just going to coerce him into going via a mix of seduction, sadism, and guilt-tripping:._

'_I know, but it's fun to think about…'_

_.:My, my. What would Subaru think if he knew you were fantasizing about the Kamuis? Voyeuristic bastard:._

'_Shut up. I knew perfectly well how much you like to watch, too…'_

_.:I'm a tree. It's my only source of sexual gratification:._

'…_That's besides the point.'_

"Seishirou-san?"

"Hm?" Seishirou looked up, blinked, then flashed a cheerful smile.

"…Who were you talking to?"

"A voyeuristic pervert."

_.:I heard that:._

'_Bite me.'_

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, nothing. So, Subaru-kun, are you coming to the party tonight?"

"…Well, I don't know…"

"Please?" A little persuasion never hurt anyone. Stepping closer, Seishirou's arm hooked around the Sumeragi's shoulders and he pulled him into an erotic-looking position. "It won't be the same if you don't go."

"U-urp…" Blinking rapidly, Subaru's hand reached up and touched the edge of the sunglasses. Seishirou didn't react. Encouraged, Subaru pulled them off gently and blinked as he saw Seishirou was staring at him.

"Something on my face, Subaru?"

"N-no… uh… Fine, I'll come."

"Good." Seishirou let him go.

With a soft 'whoomp', Subaru fell onto his backside on the floor. Frowning and letting out an indignant 'hey!', he struggled back to his feet and resisted the urge to rub his backside. That had _hurt_.

"H-hey!"

"Yes?" Seishirou had been about to put his sunglasses back on.

"…H-how come Kamui always gets some, and I don't?"

Seishirou smirked.

_.:…He's a horny kid, isn't he:._

'_You keep out of this.'_

_.:Oh, go on. He's getting desperate:._

'…_You only want me to so that you can watch.'_

_.:Your point:._

"Because you are _supposed _to be more mature than Kamui."

"…" Subaru pouted and looked away. He didn't get any when he was sixteen, either.

"But…" Seishirou's hand crept up to his lover's cheek and cupped it gently, "…Seeing as _someone _is so insistent today, I think…"

Subaru coloured and then sighed softly as the assassin kissed him tenderly but a little awkwardly.

Perhaps the lack of Seishirou and Subaru together-ness was all down to nervousness on the Sakurazukamori's part?

…Nah.

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_.:Lani:. This has to stop. It's getting ridiculous._

_.:Seishirou:. Tell me about it._

_.:Fuuma:. I'm-…_

_.:Lani:. Enjoying it! Of course you are! But the readers aren't! Right! Please tell me to stop before I do something I'll regret. Like karaoke. And drunk Kamui and Subaru…_

_.:Subaru&Kamui:. !_

_.:Sakura:. …When am I actually going to get an appearance in one of your fics?_

_.:Lani:. When I want you to._

_.:Sakura:. …I hate you. Treating me like a pet…_

_.:Seishirou:. If you're anyone's pet, that would be mine, wouldn't it?_

_.:Sakura:. …I prefer to think of myself as more of an appliance, really…_

_.:Subaru:. Like a paper shredder?_

_.:Sakura:. Something like that…_

_.:Kamui:. I don't drink! XO_

_.:Fuuma:. –Grin-_

_.:Lani:. …Someone call the Uke Preservation Society before this gets out of hand._

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	3. Diminuendo Innuendo

_Author's Notes – Phew. I think we're going to have a short break to the present before venturing into the past again. . Happy Birthday, hun! (Just a side-note. 'Diminuendo' is a musical term, just like the titles of the X books (Overture, Crescendo, Duet, Requiem ect…) and it rhymes with innuendo so… Yeah… . )_

_Disclaimer – I don't own Kamui, Subaru, Seishirou, Fuuma or Keiichi. Nor do I own the kinky pink apron Keiichi will wear for the duration of his fic. I do, however, claim proud ownership over Seishirou's Sexy Sunglasses._

One Last Thing Before We Die?

_Diminuendo – Innuendo_

Back to the present, the remaining three occupants of Subaru's bedroom – so pure until recently – paused for a moment. Kamui was staring at Fuuma, but Keiichi looked strangely enraptured by the tale thus far.

"I remember that much…" Kamui muttered, raising his knees to rest his forearms on them. Fuuma smirked. Kamui flushed and dropped his legs, crossing them.

Fuuma opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Keiichi interrupted him. "…Uh… M-monou-san… when you say you _bit _Kamui, what exactly…"

Keiichi stopped. Kamui was staring at him with a slightly scared expression.

Fuuma smirked and moved into a crouch, starting to crawl forward, "I could show you, if you like…"

The Dragon Of Heaven meeped and hid behind his blonde friend. "Keep him away from me!"

"Keep who away from what?" Subaru and Seishirou had re-appeared, both dressed. The long black/white trenchcoats were missing, showing they had no intention of leaving just yet. "Is /Kamui/ molesting his little friend again?"

Strangely composed, Subaru seated himself on the floor and looked up at Seishirou timidly. The Sakurazukamori smiled and moved down to sit next to him. Thankfully, he kept his hands to himself.

Unfortunately, this composed entrance was completely ruined when Fuuma oh-so-tactfully pointed out that Subaru had a smear of red jam on his neck. Subaru flushed and wiped it off fussily.

Kamui blinked, "…Subaru… _jam_?"

Fuuma shrugged, "Hey, their fetishes are none of your business."

"F-fetishes?" Kamui had gone white.

Snickering, the assassin leant over and grabbed Subaru's wrist, raising the jammy finger and licking it clean, "Yes. Fetishes."

Groaning, Kamui buried his face in the back of Keiichi's neck, "…They have strawberry jam fetishes?"

"Not strawberry jam, _per se_, but..." The onmyouji flushed, then continued to shudder pleasantly as Sei leant up to lick the spot where the jam smear had been and proclaim it sweet.

The other Kamui raised one eyebrow, back to his sitting position now, and rolled his eyes, "…Others like sakura petals, red ribbons, trying to kill each other is a turn on, I think… I seem to recall something about voyeurism…"

Kamui blinked and peered over Keiichi's shoulder "_Voyeurism?"_

"Yeah. They've watched us a couple times…"

"I may never have sex again…" Kamui whimpered and hid even further into Keiichi's neck.

"Wait a second…" Subaru blinked and looked up from where Seishirou had started removing him from his shirt, "How do you know that?"

Silence.

Seishirou looked strange. His face was contorted into a sort-of grimace. The sign of someone trying not to burst out laughing and close to failing. But when the laughter finally spewed out, it wasn't from Seishirou.

It was Keiichi.

Everyone stared at him. The poor blonde tried to get his laughter under control and finally succeeded, clutching his stomach and still enjoying little giggles. "You guys… are…." Giggle, "…Amazing… you know…?"

Fuuma raised an eyebrow and raised one hand. It started to glow dangerously. Kamui, giving a soft squeak of panic, threw himself essentially into Fuuma's arms to stop him killing Kamui's revision aid.

Of course, this suited the destroyer of the world perfectly, as he smirked and grabbed Kamui under the chin. Lifting him up, he kissed him quickly and snickered as Kamui went red.

Although Keiichi and Subaru had averted their eyes modestly, Seishirou was watching opening – even with a hint of boredom.

_.:You're as much of a pervert as I am:._

'_They were just kissing.'_

_.:I didn't mean that. I meant the way you were looking at Kamui's ass when he dived:._

'_Oh, that. Well… he has a nice ass.'_

_.:Yeah, I know…:._

'_You do?'_

_.:Sure:._

'_Should I be scared?'_

_.:You aren't to my tastes:._

'_What about Subaru?'_

_.:…:._

'…_Are you a boy tree or a girl tree?'_

_.:You sound like a third grader:._

'_Answer the question__'_

_.:…:._

"Subaru, did I ever tell you that-…"

_.:Okay, okay! I'm a boy tree:._

"Tell me what?"

"Nothing."

'_Well, that's good. …Wait… seme or uke?'_

_.:I'm… a tree..:._

"Well, actually… I was gonna say, the Sakura-…"

_.:UKE! I'm uke, okay:._

'_Wow. I always picked you for the penetrating type…'_

"What about the Tree?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

_.:…Yeah, you wish…:._

'_What was that?'_

_.:Nothing, nothing…:._

"Seishirou, what are you talking about?"

"Huh?" The assassin came back to reality to realise the entire room was staring at him. Kamui was perched on Fuuma's lap, looking none-too-happy about it but putting up with it anyway. Keiichi was just peering at him curiously in the apron, and Subaru was giving him an exceeding weird look.

"Oh… nothing, nothing…" Seishirou gave a soft smile and reached into his pocket for his glasses. Maybe if they couldn't see his eyes, he could continue to interrogate the Tree without them thinking he was insane.

"…So… um… anyway… Fuuma..?" Kamui probed, timidly, "…Um, the reason why we're here…?"

"Oh yes, that… well, after we managed to persuade you to both come…"

**---**FLASHBACK!**---**

Kamui looked up at the building. He blinked. He almost laughed. "…So, Subaru really is coming… either that, or he declined and _they _are going to decide for him…" He felt a tinge of disappointment for his fellow abused uke, but brushed it away.

Reaching out, his hand was about to press the button, when he paused. He could feel something… something close… where…? What…?

"KAMUI!"

The uke winced. And turned around. When he saw Keiichi, his smile was more of a grimace.

"…Keiichi… what are you doing here?"

"You never waited for me after school, so I thought I'd find out why. Are you going somewhere?" The blonde peered over Kamui's shoulder at the house curiously.

"Um… yeah, you could say that…" _Someone… please… save me…_

"Oh? A friend's house?" Keiichi sounded almost… jealous. He had started to look a little more pouty.

"Uhm, something like that. A party, actually…" He gabbed, nervously, looking around for something – anything – to get Keiichi away from him. Thankfully, it found him.

"Ah. Kamui-kun. Good afternoon." Seishirou rested his hand on Keiichi's shoulder, making the boy jump, but making Kamui smirk. _See how he likes being groped by that pervert…_

Keiichi looked up at Seishirou. His eyes met sunglasses. He flushed, "A-ah… would you be… Seishirou-sama?"

Seishirou blinked, "…Where did you learn that?"

"S-Subaru-sama told me…"

"And how do _you_ know Subaru?" Kamui burst out. Seishirou _looked _at him. Kamui slunk back, sinking into silence.

"…I noticed… Kamui-chan coming to this house… a lot… and I… well…" The poor prep gave a helpless shrug, "…I wanted to know why."

"I see…" Seishirou's face was deadly calm. Slowly, he raised his hand and removed his sunglasses; the other hand hooked around Keiichi's shoulders and making the boy flush. Kamui flushed too, not surprisingly.

Smiling dangerously at Keiichi, he steered the boy towards the house, "Subaru-kun is holding a party today, Keiichi-kun. We're a little short on guests, so why don't you come along too?"

"S-seishirou?" Kamui blinked, looking at him with a 'Huuuuuuuuuuh!' expression. Seishirou just smiled blandly.

Back at the door, Kamui raised one hand for the doorbell. Pushed it. The bell rang out, but Seishirou tutted softly, "So you'd get Subaru-kun out of the shower? I have a better idea." Reaching into his pocket – releasing Keiichi – Seishirou pulled out a small silver key. Ignoring Kamui's scandalised look, he unlocked the door and politely bowed them in.

A little voice in the back of Kamui's mind murmured _.:You don't want to know where he got that key:._

Kamui agreed with it.

**--**FLASHBACK!**—**

"Oh, so that's what he's doing here…" Subaru murmured, back in the room, looking at Keiichi in the apron. The blonde smiled at him graciously.

"Yes. That's how I managed to get mixed up in this mess. Although, I'm still not sure what happened, but…"

On the other side of the room, Kamui groaned and slunk into Fuuma's arms. Hiding.

Seishirou snickered, "I don't think Kamui-kun wants to think about it."

Ignoring Subaru's stare – 'Kamui-_kun_'! – Seishirou just reached into his pocket. Cigarettes were badly overdue. Subaru pouted a little.

"Those things will kill you one day…" He muttered, pettily, looking the other way. The Sakurazukamori just smiled mildly and offered him the packet.

"Subaru-kun, considering the many ways I could die in the next week or so, I don't think lung cancer is a problem."

"…" Staring at the cigarettes blankly, Subaru finally caved in and took one. His seemed to have disappeared at some point in the night. Stealing the lighter – with Sei's fingers still wrapped around it – he lit it and sunk back against the wall sulkily.

On the other side of the room, Kamui was staring at both of them with apparent distaste. "…You know, Seishirou-san… cigarettes cause impotency."

Seishirou smiled blandly and inhaled. Kamui rolled his eyes, silently cursing the failed insult.

Of course, he didn't see Subaru choke and start to stub his out inconspicuously.

"Anyway…" That was Fuuma, who had been watching the entire scene with some interest, "…Do you want to hear the rest of the story?"

Mutely, everyone nodded. Even Seishirou.

"Okay, then. Well, after that…"


	4. Much ado about bishounen

_Author's Notes – Guess who's back, boys and girls. Didja miss me?_

_Disclaimer – I don't own any of this sexy _ménage à cinq_. CLAMP does. Lucky bastards._

One Last Thing Before We Die?

_Much ado about bishounen._

Subaru stared. He closed his eyes for a long moment, then opened them and stared again.

Nope, still there.

"… I can't think of a better way to say this, so… what the _hell_?"

Seishirou was standing in his hallway. A rather flustered Keiichi was tucked under one of his arms, and Kamui was hurriedly removing his shoes behind them. Seishirou was smiling in a way that was completely meaningless, and Kamui looked like he was about to do something drastic. It was a most unpleasant image to be greeted with on a Saturday night when he had, he thought, no work to do.

Kamui finished pulling his shoes off and rushed up behind Seishirou, ducking around him and standing in front. "S-subaru-san! I-… wait, didn't you know?"

Seishirou snickered behind him, supplementing with an; "Oh, he knew."

Subaru felt himself go red and darted his eyes away to settle on staring at the floor. There was a small crack forming in the smooth expanse of his floor that was, um… sort-of interesting. "… I knew. I just didn't know that it was going to be taking place in my apartment…"

"It's the most effective way of assuring that you will indeed attend this party. You have a tendency of squirming away when you don't want to socialise."

Keiichi tilted his head to one side, "… Subaru-san wants to socialise sometimes? He doesn't look the type."

"Tell me about it…" Kamui gave a soft sigh, "… It's almost like he's avoiding me. You're not, right, Subaru?" The mega-uke turned around, giving Subaru beguiling purple eyes.

"… Er…" Subaru blinked a few times, then averted his eyes, "… Where's Fuuma, anyway? And why is _he_ here?" He waved a hand towards Keiichi, not noticing Kamui give a soft sob and lean against the wall, doom lines decorating the back of his head.

"Me?" Keiichi gave a nervous, gracious smile, breaking away from Seishirou enough to bow briefly, "… U-um, sorry for turning up uninvited, Subaru-san. I noticed Sakurazuka-san and Kamui-kun on the doorstep, and I-… well…"

"Couldn't resist sticking your nose in." Seishirou petted the top of the blonde boy's head.

Keiichi went red, "… You were the one who insisted!"

Subaru arched an eyebrow, "You brought the kid to the party?"

The assassin gave an eloquent shrug, removing himself from Keiichi, "The poor puppy looked so eager to come, I figured he might as well."

"I resent that…" The genki blonde looked a little put-out. Kamui perked up with; "You resent a lot of things."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. Like that time when I wouldn't sit on your lap to read your maths work and you got all pissy with me."

"T-that…" Seishirou and Subaru had both turned and looked at Keiichi as soon as Kamui finished talking, and the blonde was wilting a little under their glares. Both of them recognised the sign of someone hawking in on an uke only too well. Keiichi had the decency to blush and look away.

"… Um… didn't you say someone else was going to be coming?"

Seishirou gave a small snicker, inviting himself into Subaru's living room; the ukes trailing behind like obedient puppies. "Yes, Fuuma should be here soon. I think he's scared to leave me in the room with Kamui."

Thankfully, no-one heard Kamui mutter a soft 'I don't blame him…'

---

"What _were_ you doing at that moment, anyway?" Kamui had twisted around on his seme's lap to study Fuuma's face, frowning a little.

Fuuma blinked, "What? You think I spend every waking moment either thinking about you or molesting you? Don't be naïve. It's not like I don't have other hobbies."

Kamui probably would've replied, but at the word hobbies, his mind had filled with images of Fuuma gardening. Or cooking. Or rock-climbing. All the time, dressed in the tight-fitting leather ensembles the evil destroyer of the world-alter ego-Fuuma seemed to like.

Across the room, Seishirou chuckled.

"Anyway." Swallowing, and giving Kamui a decidedly odd look, he leant back against the wall, still butt-naked. His hands were in Kamui's very-naked lap, and it was debatable whether he was preserving his uke's modesty or idly molesting him. We'll probably never know.

"Next, they…"

---

Somehow, in the pause brought by the intermission back to the present, Subaru, Seishirou, Kamui and Keiichi had arranged themselves on the single sofa in Subaru's living room. Kamui and Keiichi were on one – which Seishirou had privately named 'the pretty couch' – and he and an uncomfortable Subaru were seated on the other – ('the sexy couch').

Silence reigned, as the Dragons and miscellaneous schoolboy just peered at each other awkwardly. More silence. Somewhere, a cricket chirped. Finally, it was Seishirou that broke the lull by standing up. "… Well… while we're waiting for Monou-san, why don't we watch some television or something?"

Crossing the room, without waiting for permission, he squatted by Subaru's television. Or attempted to. If you've ever tried to squat in a long, looong coat, you'll realise how hard it is. Seishirou ended up sprawled back on his butt, with an expression of pure surprise on his face.

Across the room, Kamui laughed. In Seishirou's head, someone else laughed.

"Shut up! The both of you!"

Kamui fell silent. The entire room was thinking '… The both of us?'

Grumbling quietly, Seishirou moved to kneel instead, leaning forward and rifling through Subaru's DVDs and cassettes. There weren't many. Predictable.

Time ticked by, and finally, Kamui turned to the TV stand with mild annoyance. "… What's wrong? Found some porno and died of shock?" He snapped. Fuuma was taking altogether too long. Thankfully, he didn't notice Subaru's scandalised look as he moved across the floor to kneel beside – but not too close to – the Sakurazukamori.

"… Hm? What's this?" He said, reaching out and taking hold of the DVD case Seishirou was peering at. Scrutinising the cover, he blinked once, then blinked again. Slowly, he turned around, raising the case to show the room.

"… Subaru… the _Gravitation OVA_?"

"I-…! That's…" Subaru's face went a peculiar shade of puce, and he looked down at his lap nervously. "… It's… not mine…" He finished, lamely.

"Right…" Seishirou and Kamui shared a knowing glance. Then, with an air of finality, Seishirou plucked the DVD from the uke's hands, flipping it open and reaching towards the DVD player.

"Of course it isn't, Subaru-kun."


End file.
